I wish I had the confidence to speak up when with a group of people I don’t know very well. I always think of something to say in my head but rarely contribute when I find myself in these situations. I wish I felt self-assured enough that what I have to say is interesting. Instead I sit there worrying and overthinking, coming to the conclusion that I’m boring. It then spirals into other forms of doubt, I begin to feel rude because I’m not saying anything and disappointed in myself for not trying to join in.
One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to worry less, but so far I’m failing. I knew this resolution wouldn’t come naturally, that I’d really need to work at it and that’s something I’m still figuring out.
A lot of the time I’m worrying that I’m not good enough. Not good enough for my job, as a partner or as a friend or even to speak up when with a group of people I don’t know all that well. I spend a lot of time overanalysing what I should have done differently in situations. Instead of focusing on what I do right, I find myself examining what I’ve done wrong or could have done better. In all honesty, it’s tiring.
I want to enjoy the moment, not worry about every little thing or second-guess my actions, feel confident enough to speak up and be happy within myself to accept that I am good enough.
Work in progress..
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